I Hate to Ask, But “What’s Your Plan?”

After getting back to columbia after the amaizng restful, relaxing, rejuvinating time I had at home it it was time to get back to "normal life". A lot of my time at home was spent with my friends, my family, many trips to Chicago to soak up all the Christmas joy, a lot of time spent on the couch binging The Real Housewives of Orange County (back on my housewives kick), and of course, way too many Christmas cookies.

Starting off with, I have officially secured the rights to my website domain @ridefined.net. Sooooooo glad I finally just paid the little bit of extra money to own her! And I'm hoping that this will finally be "the thing" that I'll use to help hold me accountable because I'm very determined to make sure I'm staying consistent with writing about topics that inspire me. Not only with just blog content, but with making sure I'm staying up to date with adding in photos I've taken, links to new updates on my work experiences, and projects I'm working on. Or maybe just another way for me yap my mouth in a much quieter, more peaceful way....It's "the thing" that I'm going to tell myself to post more, to put my creative juices to work, add in updates on my life, projects I'm working on, advice I might have, new yummy recipes, and all of the best moments life presents us with. All defined through me, Riley.

My time at home was much needed and much savored. Spent lots of time with my friends and family, updating everyone on what I've up to over the past couple of months, sharing all details from the start of senior year at Mizzou. When updating and answering all the family's questions, I was, unsurprisingly, asked the question that every college senior absolutely loves to hear: “So, what’s the plan?” What's the plan??? "The plan is Aunt Suesan that I have absolutely no plan."

Now listen, I'm not going to be dramatic and act as if I have absolutely no plan or no idea what I want to do after graduating school becuase I do; somewhat. I mean, I did spend four years working towards "my plan", a lot of money, and well energy. Shit, I'd sure hope I'd have somewhat of a little bit of that plan made up in my mind. But no, yeah, there's no plan at this point. No beautifully wrapped box sitting under the tree waiting for me to start opening it whenever I damn please. There is no job waiting for me when I graduate. And that's okay.

I don't necessarily feel behind at this point in life or feel like I'm doing something wrong, but dang, I can't help it when my mind starts to spiral with every bit of anxiety in me every time I get asked the "what your plan?" question from my aunts and uncles. In fact, finding a job post-grad is probably one of the most thought - about thoughts I have on an hourly basis, along with the other 20 million running through my brain on a daily.

I will say, however, I have become incredibly creative when it comes to seeing what people have been up to. Some might call it stalking, I call it being resourceful. I have made it a priority that's a part of my routine, to make sure I am regularly stalking, scrolling, and scamming LinkedIn. Morning, night, on a hot girl walk, in between classes, during chapter (because I'm just there to scan the QR code), you name it. And yep, I have probably viewed your profile......

I've also made sure to be that annoying and persistent young college senior messaging people whose jobs I could only dream about having, asking to see if they'd be able to chat with me about their careers. Applying on job boards, checking company updates, tailoring my resume to fit the job description, cold emailing, you name it, I think I've been doing it.

This past week, however, I was fortunate enough to have an amazing interview with a great company for a role that I would be incredibly grateful to step into. The hiring manager was amazing! When I first had a phone call with her before my actual interview, immediately when I answered the phone, her voice was so welcoming. It made me feel like this process just might be a bit smoother and not as scary as I'd thought the "job process" would be.

During the interview, I shared a little bit about who I was and what some of my work experiences were to see if I could potentially be a good fit for the role. The job itself was a bit different from some of my other roles, which were more on the creative side, but to me, the job seemed like something I would enjoy doing and, well, be good at. Even though it's not one hundred percent what I really see myself pursuing further down the line in my career, it's a starting point. As we were talking and she was explaining more of the role to me, she asked one simple question that really stuck out to me. She asked me, "Do you want this role? Is the job something you would be okay with/enjoy doing? In that split second, I thought to myself, "well do I? "Do I really want this job, or is it something I think I would enjoy doing?"

While the question was nothing special or deep, it was the way in which she asked me that really made me stop, take a moment, and think on later after our call.

And, with the overthinking mind I have, I started to think a bit deeper about the question and what it meant to me.

"Wait do I? Think about it, Riley. Would you enjoy your 9-5 Monday through Friday? You've always worked in a creative space, and this isn't really that. You've always loved to create, to collab, to partner.... something beyond the norm. Do you think that job would really bring you meaning or excitement? I mean, I know not every job out of college is perfect or great, but why can't it be? Why sell yourself short?"

What I realised after my dramatic spiral, the question she asked me is that were all trained to go to school, to graduate, get a job, make money to afford the lifestyle we think we want, and then that in itself equals happniess therefor equals fulfillment?

But why can't we just take a sec? Take a sec to step back. To maybe say no? To maybe say "no, actually, now that I'm reflecting, this isn't something I want or think I would enjoy doing". Why can't we be honest and gentle with ourselves and say, "actually, I'm not going to apply, pursue or take this job because I'm not sure that it would be the best fit for me." Not taking a job and ending up miserable 6 months or 18 years later.

The question she asked me really made me stop to look at my life, what I want in my future, and what I'm currently doing while owhile job searching. It made me realize that I need to be honest with myself. Why take a job I don't think that I would enjoy doing a majority of the time?  I wouldn't. And just because the world or society or my Aunt Susan deems that finding a job after college is the "right way" doesn't mean it has to be mine or yours. There's no such thing as the "right way".

Because to me, my way is living. a life that ultimately brings me purpose and fulfillment. And I know that in itself, the purpose will eb and flow throughout different stages in life. It will change; two things can be true. A job that allows me to be creative, collaboratie and pushes me, in ways that challenge me to learn, grow, and do is a life that I want to live.

Right now, my way is to trust myself. To remember that all the work I have put in over the years will pay off. To continue to say to opportunities that sound like me. To continue searching for opportunities that sound like me. To have faith in the process. To have patience in the process. Trusting and believing that I am worthy of having a job that's perfect for me.